Happy New Year!!
2 Corinthians 4:16, 2 Corinthians 5:17

So I was watching the Eagles vs. Dallas game on Christmas day with my 2 brothers and hubs. We were so excited that the Eagles were doing so well and that Dallas was so horrible. We know this guy who is a diehard Dallas fan. I mean, DIEHARD. He absolutely loves his Dallas team. So hubs and my doc bro were egging each other on to call him everytime the eagles made a touchdown, or when Dallas made a stinky play. Then doc bro goes... " Hey, I should call him and say that he should come pick up his boys, they're sitting in my toilet..." I go "HUH??" Then hubs laughs and goes, "Yeah, they're stink'in it up !!" I start laughing and I go to my brother," Yeah, you should say that... pick up your boys, who are in the toilet and stink'in it up... ha ha ha" They both look at me like I'm an idiot and hubs starts making fun of me," what ... Nooooo! that's too long... pick up your boys they're stink'in up the toilet." And then I go," yeah, I know... doc bro just said they're in the toilet, you should add they're stinkin it up that's the funny party." And then Doc bro goes," I said that" I tried to argue that he didn't and that he just said they were in the toilet. But they both just ignored me. Was I such a girl?

As the new year approaches, I have been thinking about what kind of changes, I'd like to make. For the past few years, I've been very cynical about making new year resolutions. I have failed every resolution, i've vowed to uphold. What makes this year different?

That is a very good question. I've made recent revelations about myself and how much I don't like the person I've become. I've been wallowing in my mistakes and focusing on all the bad things in my life. I realized I've been wasting so much time and energy on the things that really doesn't matter.

I've been so inspired to be a faithful Christian. I am so weak though. I try to stand strong but anger and bitterness plagues my heart. I've always been an emotional person and a hot head. I need to learn to be able to stay calm and to really think through situations. Also, I need to really think before I speak. Words are so dangerous.

So what makes this year different? I think, my heart is different... it's willingness to change. My heart was not willing before but it is now. I was waiting for something to move me but it was me that needed to initiate the move.

I will meet with Him everyday, I will sing His praises everyday, I will trust in Him everyday, I will love Him everyday, I will have faith in Him everyday, I will rely on Him everyday, I will learn everyday, I will listen everyday.

The little boy EK is so adorable. Before the service, I told him to sing really loud and he did. So cute. E is standing to his right. Children are so cute. Our kids at our church are so shy. Hopefully,next year, EK will be an influence and all the kids will sing their hearts out.

IT'S A ....

We went for our schedule ultrasound and I was so anxious. My technician was very nice and she said she'll try to find the sex. After what seemed like an eternity, she said that she's been trying to see but she can't get a clear view. She turned the monitor so that I could see and I could see the upper thighs and inbetween was dark. She was rolling around and she couldn't see anything (no hotdog). I asked her if it's true that it's easier to spot a boy. She said that is so and then she said she got a quick glimpse and she thought it was a girl but she wanted to check again but the baby was not cooperative. She kept showing me the area and it was dark. I am convinced it's a girl but we don't know 100%. She tried and tried but I just felt bad for her and I told her it's okay. I was bummed that she could tell me for sure.

I started calling the baby by the girl name we chose but Hubs said to stop it. He tells me what if it's a boy. Even E is calling the baby by the girl name. Maybe we should stop but I'm convinced it's a girl. I know, I'm no doctor. However I have a strong feeling it's a girl.

1 Week left till Christmas E placed her very first ornament on the tree all by herself.

J tried to help and she shadowed E around the tree.

All done decorating the tree, the daddy's little helpers posed to take a picture.

Then the tree decorating ceremony ended with the girls fighting over this stroller.

E won and she injured J's finger in the process. J came running to me saying, "BOO- BOO, BOO -BOO"

Picture with Santa.

This was my girls, last Christmas.

And this is a picture of this year. Where's J? We waited in line to see Santa for 35 minutes and when he finally came back from his dinner break. J was so happy to see him from a far. She laughed and waved to him but as we got closer, her smile disappeared. E sat on Santa's lap first and he asked her what she wanted for christmas and she said a supermarket play set and shopping cart. Then it was time for the photos and I went to place J,next to E, on Santas lap and she clung to me for dear life. She started screaming , crying, and cringing everytime she saw Santa. We tried for a few minutes but I gave up. SHe was really scared of Santa. She was okay last year but I guess she's more aware this year. E was okay. She's always liked Santa.

We got our live Christmas tree, yesterday. I thought E would be more excited but she had this idea we were going into the forest to chop it down. We just went to a small farmers market and she kept saying, this isn't a farm, we need to go into the forest. It was cute.

Jesus is a Girl!

According to my 3 1/2 year old daughter, Jesus is a girl. We sat down to eat lunch after her morning at school. This is how our conversation went.

E: Mommy, we celebrated Jesus' Birthday today.
Me: Oh, really! How exciting. did you sing happy birthday to Jesus?
E: Uh huh! She's a beauty.
Me: What? He's a beauty?
E: Jesus is a beautiful girl.
Me: No, Jesus is a boy. Do you know who He is?
E: Yes, she's a girl.
Me: Emma, Jesus is God's son. He's a boy.
E: No he's not. he's a girl.
Me: No... He's a man.
Then she just walked away.

So funny.

I Lost my Brain!

I have just lost my brain due to pregnancy. I constantly do these things that I rarely do when I'm at my normal state. For example, I'll ask people repetitive questions and after a odd look and mid answer, I realize I asked this question before and I quickly finish the answer for them. I know it may look like I don't care but I do. Also, I was to go to E's friends birthday party and I know to take Route 611 to get there but I end up taking Route 309 and I realize my mistake after 20 minutes of driving and I frantically had to think how I should get to my destination. I ended up 1/2 hour late to the party. And this big one, I go grocery shopping with my girls. I get a cart full of food and I'm about to go to check out and I look for my money and I forgot I took out my wallet from my purse and didn't put it back. Ugh! So I was debating whether to just leave the cart full knowing that I will not be returning or put everything back. I put everything back and while I was doing that E is crying," Why... Why are you putting back my juice.... fruit snacks... apples... WHY!!" And I'm trying to say as quietly as possible, I forgot money.

There are so much more but those are my latest oops.

I'm not very sharp these days. I hope I'll get my brain back because the excuse "I'm pregnant" is plausable but if I continue with this after having a baby, I'll just be plain flaky and stupid.

I Surrender

I realized this past week that I've been so blinded and so bitter. I feel like I've been walking in the darkness for the last 10 years and suddenly, just now, my heart has opened up to the truth and now I can see so clearly. It only took a half attempt to seek the truth. I started going to my church's women's bible study group this past summer. I've learned so much and the opportunity to get together with these amazing women has been such a blessing.

I thought that just believing in God was enough but to trust in Him is something I couldn't do. I am so thankful that I didn't leave GCF like I planned. He really did send our way a couple with such strong vision and such passion. I am absolutely in love with the pastor's wife. I look at her and I am in awe of her and she is so wise and I, at first, thought she was no one out of the ordinary. However, the more I spend time with her, she really is an amazing woman. Even with my non-chalant behavior and even in my skeptism, she never waivered and she has so much love for the Lord and even me. I am so humbled.

I am so tired of being skeptical and I'm tired of being lukewarm. I'm ready to be moved and I'm ready to take a leap of faith and to trust in Him because I can see so clearly now.

This is so sad.

It's amazing to see a man who would sacrifice himself for his family. I pray for his family...

I'll Find Out!

I don't know, yet, what I'm having. I am scheduled for an ultrasound on the 21st of December. I hope to find out. I am really excited to find out what I'll be having. I've been wanting a girl from the start but now that the day of the ultrasound is nearing, I find myself wanting a boy. It goes back and forth . I'll be happy with whatever sex as long as the baby is healthy.

I remember with J, the ultrasound technician was a jerk. We told her we'd like to know but it didn't seem like she put much of an effort to find out. Even without the confirmation, we were so sure that the baby was a boy. At my church, there were quite a few woman pregnant at the same time I was and they were all having girls. They were even sure that I'd be having a boy. What were the chances that we were all having the same sex. My brothers were all 100% sure that I was having a boy.

Then the day of our delivery, bro doc was waiting in the waiting room with my MIL and my MIL was saying how she can't wait to see what we were having. And Bro doc goes, " Oh she's having a boy." She was shocked and asked how he knew and he goes, "oh, i just know... I'm good at predicting the sex." 2 seconds later hubs runs in and yells," It's a GIRL!!" Bro doc must of felt so stupid.

When J was born, I was so shocked that she was girl. Before I couldn't imagine myself with more than 1 girl. Now that I have 2 girls I can't imagine my life any other way. I am so happy that my girls have each other. They love each other so much and I just hope that their bond continues to grow stronger.

I hope I get a nice and competent US technician and she'll be able to find out. I'll let you all know.