Monday, April 16, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
CONTENTMENT
In our women's group we are reading a book called "how to calm an anxious heart". I think it's pretty challenging so far. Eversince I read the chapter "Content to Be Me" and the chapters following, I've been doing a lot of self-evaluation. I realized that I don't think I'm happy with myself. I've never been the type to have the healthy self-esteem. Lack of attention growing up, not finding a talent that I could be praised for, verbal abuse of being over weight... I found God to be a comfort in times of hardship but my desire to please him was never there. Due to my lack of a relationship with God, I lacked wisdom in my decisions in the past. I made poor decisions and I've been bitter for so long. I know this dwelling of the past makes me angry and more angry. At God? No... I just wonder why God let me make the choices I've made and I have such wounds in my heart ... I wonder when he'll heal them. I want to be content with me, with my life, and with my relationships.
I want to be able to say what Paul said in Philippians 4:11-13:
I'm not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
The very sins that keep me from this contentment is so strong. Its hold on me is so strong. I pray to God to change me but I feel that I take couple steps forward but then I end up taking steps backwards. Forgiveness... why is it so easy to forgive those who don't mean anything but harder to forgive those that mean the world to me. The inability to forgive creates bitterness of the heart. The book quotes "Bitterness seeps into the basement of our lives like run-off from a broken sewer pipe. Every form of ugliness begins to float to the surface of those murky waters: prejudice and profanity, suspicion and hate, cruelty and cynicism. There is no torment like the inner torment of bitterness, which is the by-product of an unforgiving spirit. It refuses to be soothed, it refuses to forget. There is no prison more damaging than the bars of bitterness that will not let the battle end."
The book revealed a prescription for contentment:
1. Never allow yourself to complain about anything- not even the weather
2. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else
3. Never compare your lot with another's
4. Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise
5. Never dwell on tomorrow-remember that tomorrow is God's not ours.
In our women's group we are reading a book called "how to calm an anxious heart". I think it's pretty challenging so far. Eversince I read the chapter "Content to Be Me" and the chapters following, I've been doing a lot of self-evaluation. I realized that I don't think I'm happy with myself. I've never been the type to have the healthy self-esteem. Lack of attention growing up, not finding a talent that I could be praised for, verbal abuse of being over weight... I found God to be a comfort in times of hardship but my desire to please him was never there. Due to my lack of a relationship with God, I lacked wisdom in my decisions in the past. I made poor decisions and I've been bitter for so long. I know this dwelling of the past makes me angry and more angry. At God? No... I just wonder why God let me make the choices I've made and I have such wounds in my heart ... I wonder when he'll heal them. I want to be content with me, with my life, and with my relationships.
I want to be able to say what Paul said in Philippians 4:11-13:
I'm not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
The very sins that keep me from this contentment is so strong. Its hold on me is so strong. I pray to God to change me but I feel that I take couple steps forward but then I end up taking steps backwards. Forgiveness... why is it so easy to forgive those who don't mean anything but harder to forgive those that mean the world to me. The inability to forgive creates bitterness of the heart. The book quotes "Bitterness seeps into the basement of our lives like run-off from a broken sewer pipe. Every form of ugliness begins to float to the surface of those murky waters: prejudice and profanity, suspicion and hate, cruelty and cynicism. There is no torment like the inner torment of bitterness, which is the by-product of an unforgiving spirit. It refuses to be soothed, it refuses to forget. There is no prison more damaging than the bars of bitterness that will not let the battle end."
The book revealed a prescription for contentment:
1. Never allow yourself to complain about anything- not even the weather
2. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else
3. Never compare your lot with another's
4. Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise
5. Never dwell on tomorrow-remember that tomorrow is God's not ours.
What does this woman of contentment look like ?
I just want to give up and just wallow in my sadness. Is it my pregnancy hormones? Why do I feel so weepy and feel like this injured being? I have so many blessings but I seem to lack trust in God.
BED ESCAPE
We bought J a toddler bed yesterday. She was so excited. She kept getting in the way when Hubs was putting it together. We set the bed next to E's bed so that they can see each other. I put them down and I can hear the pitter patter of J's feet going to E's bed. They are laughing and talking. I peeked in and J is in bed with E.
I sternly told J to stay put in her bed but everytime I leave,again, I hear the pitter patter of j's feet. Again and again she runs to E's bed. So I turned out their night light and then E starts crying. (She's afraid of the dark) But 5 minutes of crying from the both of them, they fell sound a sleep. Hopefully, it'll get easier. If not, we'll just bring back the crib and try again when the new baby comes.
We bought J a toddler bed yesterday. She was so excited. She kept getting in the way when Hubs was putting it together. We set the bed next to E's bed so that they can see each other. I put them down and I can hear the pitter patter of J's feet going to E's bed. They are laughing and talking. I peeked in and J is in bed with E.
I sternly told J to stay put in her bed but everytime I leave,again, I hear the pitter patter of j's feet. Again and again she runs to E's bed. So I turned out their night light and then E starts crying. (She's afraid of the dark) But 5 minutes of crying from the both of them, they fell sound a sleep. Hopefully, it'll get easier. If not, we'll just bring back the crib and try again when the new baby comes.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
J turned 2 on April 6th. I can't believe how it all went by so fast. It just seemed like yesterday, she came into the world.
We got her a Barbie power wheel and she loved it. At first, she wasn't all that excited until she sat on it and E showed her how to use it. She laughed the first time it just went with a push of a button. She kept ramming in to the walls and get stuck and E would pull her out and redirect her. They did that all morning while they watched Dora.
This was E when she came down and saw the gift and was told that it was for J. She was so sad. Hubs kept telling her don't touch until J comes down. And that she'll have to ask if she'll share. E goes, " Can I touch a little bit?" Hubs answered, "No, sweetie!" and then the tears kept coming. Poor thing. She got over it quickly. We invited a family over and they brought a gift for E too. A computer game which E loves to do. The little bike became a distant memory. (Thanks WK)
Isn't she so cute? This girl LOVES to eat. So adorable...
It can't be a birthday without a kiss from a cute boy.
J loves Dora. Doc Bro uncle got her Dora clothes and she was so excited to see Dora. She wanted this dress on as well as the dora underwear. We went to church and we tried to take this dress off her but she wouldn't have it. she insisted wearing the dress over her clothes. She is so funny. And then she'd dance like crazy and twirl.
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