Breastfeeding I've decided to give up breastfeeding. I don't know why I feel so guilty. I've been having excruciating pain in my nipples and breast and I tried to persevere but I just can't do it. The pain is so immense that I cry everytime the baby latches on. I was able to do it for 4 months and I know that is a great gift in itself. I know it's okay but I don't understand this pang of guilt I feel. Where does that come from? I look at him and I know that it's a bit of a transition for him but he's totally fine. I look at him feeling sorry but he'll just look back at me and smile. He melts my heart. The night time feedings are a pain. But luckily it's only 2 times and sometimes just 1 time. It'll be over soon. I know. Jonah's been sleeping in our bed and I planned to start sleep training him once I got to work from home but I've been putting it off. I'm going to have to start doing that. I want him to be able to put himself to sleep but he has this habit of grabbing his face and hair when he's upset and cries. He ends up scratching himself all over. People see him and they think he has these jums but it's just scabs. Sometimes it can get scary because he grabs so hard sometimes and he'll scrap off chunks of his own skin. Isn't that so odd? People ask me if we are done having kids? My answer soon after I gave birth was no way, I'm not going through this again. But now I see my three kids together and it's so sweet and I understand why some couples have a lot of kids. I think the beginning is hard but it gets easier as they become more independent and they start taking care of each other. It's so amazing to watch. Oh, we were at our favorite soondubu place and the waitress comes over and looks at Jonah. Then she asks Emma if she can take him, Emma gets upset and shouts no. She got really upset. Then she asks Jadyn if she can take jonah and jadyn goes ,"okay". She's so funny. Anyway, Hubs and I have been discussing about birth control. We've decided between IUD or male vasectomy. We were leaning towards the vasectomy but that just seems so final. I know male vasectomies can be reversable but the complexities of getting it would keep us from getting it. so really we need to make sure that we don't want any more kids. How do we make this decision? I am content with the family of 5 and I think hubs and I are ready for the next stage which is to raise our children and then when they are completely independent from us, we'll still be young enough to have our time. Go travel... dates.... We'll see.

Emma's First Day of School

Emma started school on Monday. She was so excited.

Jadyn started getting upset because I was taking pictures of Emma and she demanded that I take a picture of her.

She so wanted to go with Emma to school on Monday but she's only signed up for the Tuesday and Thursday class.

Usually, Jadyn puts up a little resistance to bedtime each night but last night was different. We told her that she had to have a good nights rest for school tomorrow. She said all excited, "ME TOO... i GO TO SCHOOL?!" She was so excited. Everytime I said let's go to bed because we have school tommorow. Jadyn would run to me and aske, "me too?" "me Too?" and i'd say you too. then she'll squeal and run to her bedroom.

Here they are on emma's 2nd day and Jadyn's very first day of nursery school. Jadyn was so good. When we got to her classroom, she ran in without a kiss and hug good bye. I was a bit sad. How time flies.

On monday, I was organizing the whole house and I realized that Jadyn was out of my sight for a long moment. hmmm. that's never good. I call for her. no answer. I call for her again. no answer. I let it go and then I later see her emerging from her bedroom looking like this.

She went band-aid crazy. So funny. She loves accessorizing with band-aids.

I've been so lazy at updating. Don't think that I don't care to update it's just that I'm so lazy. I want to be able to chronicle so that one day my kids can see how things were but I just need to get off my lazy butt. hahahah I've been working home for a full week and I was bit worried in the beginning because my numbers didn't look good. I need to meet 65 scripts and hour and in house I was going way beyond that but at home I was barely doing 50. I was feeling way to relaxed at home. So yesterday I really worked hard and my numbers looked good. Work is work no matter if it's at home or away. Emma will be starting pre-k and little Jadyn will start nursery school two days a week. Jadyn has been ready. Last spring, she'd cry when Emma went to school and she was left behind. Jadyn is very good in new surroundings. She was very good at our church vacation bible school even when the teachers spoke korean to her. Then this past labor day weekend we went to nYC to visit my brother and my aunt. We went to my aunt's church and we took the girls to their sunday school. There was a primary group and a toddler group. My aunt wanted to put my girls and her daughter who is 7 together in the toddler group. The teachers were like take the 2 older ones to the primary and that if jadyn was going to cry to stay with her. Jadyn brought with her a tiny bunny stuffed animal and she was just holding on to it looking around at the other little 2 to 3 years olds. I sat her down on a little chair and I said to have fun and left. She didn't cry or call for me. I came back an 1hour later and all the teachers were amazed at how well jadyn did. She had a blast. She is so brave and so independent. So different from her sister at that age. It seems like the time is going by faster. I can't believe at how my life has changed. I'm going to try and film and take more pictures of my kids and life. I have memories but if I don't document them it'll be lost. And it'll be just a big blurr.