Gift of Sacrifice 2009 XMAS

*began this post last year after my experience.  just completed it.

I got an email from my Women's group leader that we were going to do our pollyana differently this year.   It went like this:

"1.  You can NOT spend any money on it - meaning you can't go out and buy something but if you already have it...it's ok..........  something that's already yours.....NOooooooooooooooooo spending....haha

2.  You must give something with some special meaning to you - maybe even something that might be a sacrifice of some kind to give it...  

3.  On a card - you can write a note to the person who will receive your gift even though you won't know who will get it - telling them why this item means something special to you"

Honestly, I didn't think too much of it.  I figured I'd just look around my house and see if there was anything presentable to give on the day of.   2 days before our get together, I met up with a friend as I usually do every week.  (she's become such a dear friend) She nonchalantly asked me what I was going to give.  I answered that maybe I'd give my complete twilight book sagas.  She looked at me and asked me if they were that special to me.  I told her I enjoyed them so much but that I could see them go.  I then in turn asked her.  She answered, "a stuffed bear."  I assumed a child hood luvie that she is now willing to part with.  She ran upstairs to grab it and came down and showed me this bear.  The moment the stuffed bear was in my arms, it felt like I was holding a real newborn baby.  It weighed about 7 lbs.  She told me that a couple donates these stuffed bears to a hospital.  They lost a full-term baby in utero and they made this stuff bear to comfort parents that lost a baby in utero.  When holding this bear, it had a weight to it that made it feel like you're holding a newborn baby.  The way you cradle it and the way it came together just like a newborn baby in your arms.  I could see how this could comfort a mourning mother of their loss.  Holding it!  My friend lost a full-term baby in utero and the bear was given to her to comfort her.  As she was telling me this, I had to fight off tears and the urge to cry.  I cried out to her not to give it away.  She said that she's ready.  I can't imagine losing a baby and even think of giving up the one thing that must remind her of her baby...  So as I regretted quickly as quickly as I said it, "my Dvds"  Wait did I just say that.  My friend looked at me with a knowing smile.  "just pray about it." , she left me with that simple encouragement. 

I came home and I thought about it and as I thought about it , I grew very anxious.  My prize possession is my DVD collection.  If anyone knows me, they know how much I love my DVDS.  I love them so much that I have a hard time lending any movie.  I have over 150 dvds not including the various tv series.  Movies are my passion.  Not only do I love movies, movies are my comfort and my escape.  My movies are like old friends that accept you and make you feel good.  They are my everything...  ah!  I start to see what this exercise is suppose to do...  So I saw very clearly my two choices.. now that the spirit had revealed to me my idol.  1. please myself 2. please God.  Oh, how I wanted to please God, to say these DVDs mean nothing.  They are nothing and God is everything.  But my body would not believe the truth. I decided that I'd give my full 10 seasons of Friends.    For 24 hours, I had a spiritual battle going on in my heart.  One moment I said, yes I can give it away  but then another I said, no why do I have to give it away.  My body began to mourn...  So silly but it was so real.  I was Gollum and Smeagol from Lords of the Rings.  I kid you not.  I was so sad that I felt like I would be lost with out them.  That I doubted God's comfort and love for me that I needed a back up.  LIES.   

I knew that I had to do this.. I needed to sacrifice.  They were material things that meant nothing.  So I packed all my 10 seasons in an empty huggies diaper box.  Tears were streaming down my face.  It was so sad.  Then Hubby who hates seeing me so upset got angry.  He didn't understand why I was doing this. " If it's so hard , don't do it, " he says.  Then he'd give me the monetary value of my gift ,10 seasons of friends, would be  over $200.00.  But I did it.  While we waited for our gifts to be opened up, I felt such anxiety.  Tears were running down my face.  The girls felt such pity for me the one who had my name felt so bad taking my gift.  But  it was refreshing... In midst of such loss,  I did gain so much more.  I gained wisdom and insight to what Christ went through.  To sacrifice his life,not  to be served but to serve others better than himself.  What an amazing love He has for us and it is really hard to grasp in our human blindness.   I know, it's only a small glimpse in to the great magnitude of Christ but I saw and felt God's glory.

*began this post last year after my experience.  just completed it.

A year has past and there were times when I wasn't doing very well spiritually that I missed my Friends seasons for comfort.  I even asked Hubs if we could go out and buy the whole series which he replied quickly, "NO WAY".


This year, I thought I'd be free again and just give an item of less significance.  But of course, our wise women's group leader asked us to give a gift of sacrifice.  I prayed about it and I knew exactly what it would be.  Not another DVD.. but my coach wristlet.   I suffer from materialism. I try to deny the fact that my obsession with clothes and shoes.   And now with working from part time to full time and denying myself with all the things I once was able to afford in excess, leads me to shopping sprees and wanting more.  Not as bad as I once was and I do thank the spirit for leading me. But it is something that I can not give a blind eye to.   This is the one thing that can effect  my contentment.  So I've been discontent many times because I don't have the things I believe are important... luxurious car and house...  able to pamper myself.  All these things are not wrong but for me ... it can quickly turn to be my everything.  This heart check came an opportune time and letting go  my beautiful gold COACH wristlet was a tough choice.  But I gave it and a beautiful sister received it.  I'm glad for the joy it brought another sister.  And the wristlet is definitely something I can do with out.  I have more than enough.  I need to tear down these idols...