Change of Heart

Today, is my birthday.  I've started this thing where I'll pray to God my resolutions of the day every morning.  These resolutions aren't I need to lose 5 lbs, I need to complete my to-do list, etc.  My resolution is to love God more... which encompasses.. the desire to be humble which leads to submitting to his word which leads to obeying his word which leads to holiness which leads to loving God with all my heart ,with all my soul and all my mind and loving my neighbors as myself.  

So in the past birthdays, I'd wake up thinking how I can milk the day.  What I expect to happen for me... I expect people to serve me.  There were many birthdays I spent depressed because Hubs failed to bring enough attention and devotion to me.  I'd demand I want this and that... expensive gifts but they never satisfied.  I would justify not doing anything because it was my birthday.  As a mother, that could never be, so I'd be crabby, harsh and mean.

I woke up this morning making the resolution that I will be a servant.  Even when hubs left this morning without wishing me a happy birthday, I was sweet to him.  I asked a friend with 2 little kids to come over so I can serve her lunch. She didn't know it was my birthday but I wanted to payback her kindness for taking Emma and Jadyn for couple hours some days.  I went to the store in morning and I cooked hot meal.  I was so expecting to cook dinner but I got a pleasant call from a friend that she was going to make my family dinner... steaks. It's amazing the blessings God does give when you choose to give yourself... to bring attention to the needs of others.  Today, I try not to focus on myself.   I was so blessed.

I was so blessed, today.  It's the first birthday in a long time, I feel peaceful and happy.  Truly all I need is the love of Christ.

I know that this blog has been filled with a lot of God, lately, but I can't help but share how God continues to work my heart.  Not that it's always like this, my spiritual walk has been a bit of a roller coaster.  Once I surrendered my life, I was soaring high but the last few months, I've had my dip but I'm learning that it's when I turn my focus on myself instead of Christ, I fall.

Like Peter walking on water.  He was walking on water when his eyes was fixed on Christ and he started sinking when his eyes saw the wind and the storm.

Today was a good day... and praying resolutions help me because on days I don't meet my resolutions which are spiritual broken days, and I examine my heart and search the root of my sins... which have a constant theme... pride and self-centeredness (placing myself above God), I rest in Him and pray that he break me to repentance.  

This is turning to be sermon-like. ew!   I just wanted to document how a service focused birthday turned in to the best birthday ever.