There's this dark cloud hovering over my heart. I believe that this darkness was plaguing my heart for a long time... it began in college and with every year, with every wound it got darker and darker and I became so bitter and angry. Why is this happening to me? Last year summer, I escaped it and I've found a way to keep this darkness at bay but I find it creeping back and it's really hard to fight off. I'm exhausted spiritually and physically. The one comment that hubs said to me was " don't let satan break us up." I found it so annoying but is this the work of satan? I'm just so depressed... so depressed. I'm sure it's hormonal or I"m hoping it's hormonal.
Life is so hard. Is there really a perfect life? Is life perfect when there are no trials and no hurdles to overcome. Is life not to be challenging? I've heard that living life with purpose is the perfect life. Do I have purpose? I claim to be a christian but I don't see myself living for God. My life no ways emulates the life of Christ. I know in my mind what I need and what the solution is but I'm just so resistant. Why do I do this ? How do I break the chain? How do I stop thinking if only I had this... if only I had chose that... if only I was wiser... if only I was from this... if only....
3 comments:
wish i could give you a big hug! it might be hormonal, since you did just have a child. i wouldn't count that out and get some professional advice. the only other thing i wanted to say is that it's really really tough as a mom (esp. of 3!) to "feel" God working in your life. just know that you are doing exactly what He wants at this stage in your life. i struggle with similar feelings at times. i'm here if you want to talk about it!
*hug* I am not religious so I don't know what to say... I do think that you have a lot going on in your life, plus hormonal changes can affect you for many many months... I hope you do feel better soon. And don't forget to have faith in yourself - you've done so much in your life, full of positive energy... and you're surrounded by so many people, family and friends, who love you.
you have a lot on your plate and indeed, sometimes it's hard not to feel downtrodden. trust in Him, even when he doesn't seem to be around. i don't know if that helps at all.
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