| Breastfeeding I've decided to give up breastfeeding. I don't know why I feel so guilty. I've been having excruciating pain in my nipples and breast and I tried to persevere but I just can't do it. The pain is so immense that I cry everytime the baby latches on. I was able to do it for 4 months and I know that is a great gift in itself. I know it's okay but I don't understand this pang of guilt I feel. Where does that come from? I look at him and I know that it's a bit of a transition for him but he's totally fine. I look at him feeling sorry but he'll just look back at me and smile. He melts my heart. The night time feedings are a pain. But luckily it's only 2 times and sometimes just 1 time. It'll be over soon. I know. Jonah's been sleeping in our bed and I planned to start sleep training him once I got to work from home but I've been putting it off. I'm going to have to start doing that. I want him to be able to put himself to sleep but he has this habit of grabbing his face and hair when he's upset and cries. He ends up scratching himself all over. People see him and they think he has these jums but it's just scabs. Sometimes it can get scary because he grabs so hard sometimes and he'll scrap off chunks of his own skin. Isn't that so odd? People ask me if we are done having kids? My answer soon after I gave birth was no way, I'm not going through this again. But now I see my three kids together and it's so sweet and I understand why some couples have a lot of kids. I think the beginning is hard but it gets easier as they become more independent and they start taking care of each other. It's so amazing to watch. Oh, we were at our favorite soondubu place and the waitress comes over and looks at Jonah. Then she asks Emma if she can take him, Emma gets upset and shouts no. She got really upset. Then she asks Jadyn if she can take jonah and jadyn goes ,"okay". She's so funny. Anyway, Hubs and I have been discussing about birth control. We've decided between IUD or male vasectomy. We were leaning towards the vasectomy but that just seems so final. I know male vasectomies can be reversable but the complexities of getting it would keep us from getting it. so really we need to make sure that we don't want any more kids. How do we make this decision? I am content with the family of 5 and I think hubs and I are ready for the next stage which is to raise our children and then when they are completely independent from us, we'll still be young enough to have our time. Go travel... dates.... We'll see. |
Friday, September 14, 2007
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5 comments:
you're so brave for even thinking of having more kids. i'm still stuck at the thought of having 2! i love how your girls have such different personalities. it'll be cool to see what JD is like! oh, and don't worry about the breastfeeding- JD will grow and be healthy regardless.
i know what you mean about feeling guilty, but many babies grow up big and strong without being breastfed. how does hubs feel about the possibility of getting the snip snip? we know a couple who recently had the procedure done (after their 4th child). it was relatively painless.
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wow, you ARE brave to be thinking of more. i used to think i'd want 4. yeah, crazy, huh? now, i've come to my sense and would be delighted if i could just have one more. even that, i have to take a gulp of air. i'd still want more kids, just without the whole pregnancy, post-partum stuff.
as for guilt... yeah, the whole motherhood is riddled with guilt. i don't know why that is. maybe it's the whole freudian theory that's encroached our psyche, but i struggle with that all the time. i keep telling myself that i'd made the best decision for our family at the time, but i still feel guilty.
just as jwk said, N is so healthy even with just 3.5 WKS of breast-feeding, and you've already given JD 4 MONTHS~!
i'll tell you what someone said to me once, "formula is not poison." and also, "formula babies go to harvard too." :)
hoping that you and i, all of us, can learn to give ourselves enough grace to let go of these things that feel like tragedies... really, in light of eternity, it's nothing. right? :)
Yes, I know what you mean about feeling guilty about quitting breastfeeding early, especially when others around me kept it going. But I told myself that I only did it for 4 months and N turned out just fine. You have to do what's best for you and J.
Wow, more kids?!! I'm still having a hard time thinking of how we're going to handle 2 kids ourselves! I myself hope D does the snip snip himself, but we'll see when the time comes.
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