Urbana 06

So husband went to St. Louis for 5 days for the Urbana conference. He's been growing spiritual for the last 5 months and when SK asked if he'd be interested to go to this conference, husband was hesitant. He then decided to go. It was torture being without him for that long but it was so worth it.

They brought back video footage of the conference and it just seemed so great. Bono from U2 was one of their speakers and they were inspired by his vision to help Aids vicitims. An african princess spoke of her life with AIDS and her faith and she was so moving.

I see a change in Husband and it's something that I never imagined possible. How I forgot the true power of God. How could I have ever doubted?

The day husband came back he was exhausted. Their schedule seemed very grueling. There was absolutely no time for leisure time. It was seminars after seminars and praise and worship twice a day. But even in his tired state he wanted to pray with me and start a bible study that night. Of the 13 years knowing him, I've only prayed with him and study the bible a few times. I don't know why. He'd read his bible and I'd read my bible and we just prayed seperately. I don't know why I was so resistant.

He's so eager to teach me what he learned and I just look at him inspired by his conviction. I want to be an encouragement. I was moved once and I believed anything was possible in HIm but I lost hope somewhere down the line and I just stopped being convicted. I walked away from God and I know that I shouldn't have. I just don't want husband to be hurt and I know that I am not at a point where I fully trust God and I don't want this feeling to deter Husband.

I am sensitive to other people's sin and to my own and I need to just give that up and only look to God. It is so hard for me to be so vulnerable by loving my enemies. That vulnerability is self-inflicted, I'm sure but I can't help feeling this. How can you fully love a person when you know that they hate you? Is there pride in there, too? I am such a weak person and I want to overcome this.

I don't want to be left behind. I need to really let go and trust God.

Sisters,
Please pray for husband that this conviction will remain strong and true. Please pray for me that I may continue to meet with the Lord and He'll give me wisdom and reveal my calling.

My husband told me that a starving child in Africa dies every 18 seconds. Isn't that so sad?